Thursday, April 24, 2014

Planting flowers

Out of all the plants in the world, there is a special species that exists solely to remind me how delicate life is, how frail a beautiful thing can be and how precious lost moments are. Okay so maybe it has more purpose than that, to me anyway it means a daughter who was lost to me. Circumstances beyond my control does not fill the lonely moments, days, weeks, months or years that child went without the benefit of her own mother's love, HER own maternal gifts passed down by example, through experience as most families do.

Twenty six years ago today I was planting shrubs around the many pine trees in that sandy loam soil of north Florida. The ground was hard to manipulate and I don't really remember getting help with the digging - but I must of, there is no way I could of planted all those shrubs by myself. there were three per tree and I want to think that I married these flowering shrubs next to maybe four or five pine trees that day.

Kept going in the house and changing clothes, well at least my pants. I kept having accidents, or so I thought, turned out that I was leaking my amniotic fluid, my water was breaking all that day. I went through every pair of shorts, pants, and even dresses that day and on my last shower (took at least three of them), I decided it was time to go to the hospital.

I don't know why I felt it so important to plant them shrubs, had to be that day, couldn't wait not another moment and they had to be down before I would deliver her into this world. Not like I had much of a choice in that matter - she was coming, she wasn't waiting any damn more and she didn't wait on the rude doctor to announce her arrival, hell she barely gave him time to 'glove up'.

Have always felt she was like the flower of the shrub I planted all them years ago, so fragile, so beautiful - yet one of the sturdiest plants I know of, quite capable of handling the worst of conditions and known to keep company with the toxicity of Loblolly pine trees and still bloom into the most magnificent of flowers every spring, giving hope to all life that another day is on the horizon, that another breath will be taken and for that there is appreciation.

So beautiful.

Tiffany Rose ~ the most precious flower in the world.

I do love you with my whole heart and every drop of my blood. You are just as precious to me as he is, you just never had the chance to experience it first hand and for that I am sorry. Happy Birthday Tiffany Lynne.

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