My first experience with it was at the other house, the one that caught fire... actually I felt its presence right near where the floor joist started smoking from. I was standing outside the house, by the water spigot when I felt like I just bumped into a solid dark heavy object. I felt a masculine presence and he wasn't happy about me being there. He wanted me to stop what I was doing. I have 'felt' ghosts before, this wasn't a ghost*, nor was this just an energy. I'm not very experienced in Elementals, have had a brush with a land Deva before and this felt similar.
These energies view me as this child, all energetic and running around with my animals playing and having a good time. They love my energy and want it for themselves - those that feed upon the energy of others - that is. As my studies have developed my abilities in all areas of my life, so it is true that I have learned many ways to protect my little foolish self. Though there are still ways to harm me, there are still ways for nasties to get close. I must be relentless in my protection, I must be tenacious in my practices of keeping my energy safe.
For a couple of weeks now I've been fed information, picking up clues from my environment and through dreams. The first dream that started this was amazing and just proves how smart these entities are and that they will go to all lengths to get what they want. This dream was about a former lover of mine, actually whom I still to this day call my 'soul mate', it was intimate, it was so real that it awaken my desire for this man all over again. I hadn't given thought to us being together in years - like ten years - so yes this caught me off guard - which is exactly what it was meant to do. Then as if to build climax or something I was fed this and that to lead me to believe all sorts of things. Then the practical side of me comes bubbling up to the surface and start investigating different things and finding so many holes and way too many question marks. Some of the answers I find fit the questions I've asked, many don't and that means that something is amiss. I've been led astray before, many times actually, something always trips up and I catch on. I've caught on this time as well, hopefully before this damn thing has caused me to venture off my path too much.
Trying very hard to get my shit straight, so that I'm one person standing tall,handling all of my own affairs with success. There isn't a slot open beside me, there isn't a place for another to share energy with. I go solo, I stand alone - why not - done so most of my life anyway - why stop now, even in relationships I feel alone, I totally suck at the whole partnership thing.
I may cry a bit, because what I seen was so beautiful, it felt so right, I was so happy - guess that is probably the emotion that tipped the scale - how can I be happy with anyone - I can't even be happy with myself for very long and the only joy I receive (on a regular basis), is the laughter and good feelings these animals bring me.
This entity has had me believing all sorts of crap, well maybe not completely believing - there is always skepticism when it comes to me. I don't trust, I don't sway over easily, but I will honor thoughts - how else are you going to be able to envision a future if you don't entertain notions.
This whole illusion came to a head yesterday - from a dream, it started with a dream, it ended with a dream. Damn them dreams... The dream that ended my fantasy had my lover being an arsehole and someone died. It left me so blah, don't know how else to describe the feeling that came over me. I have worked very hard to make my sphere a positive one, a force of good will, to have someone walk up into my world that cares so less for others is not acceptable - no matter how good my heart feels to have him near. So if it means to sacrifice love for goodness, sacrifice having a honest partner for no quilt of doing wrong - so be it. I did cry.
I went the whole gauntlet of emotions over this ordeal, not going into the particulars - let's just say that entities are very cunning when they aim to work us into their designs.
Now I have to do some serious cleansing of space & self. I look around and the only one still standing is my mother - good job mom - you really are tough, thank you, I love you! I guess everyone else was ran off, or they left of their own accord - oh well, guess it takes a little bit of a dark entity to show you who has the stuff and who doesn't. That short raven hair, blue eyed vixen is a mighty powerful source of will and I am so thankful to have her genes flowing through my DNA. Della is strong in the one she pulled into this world (after she trekked horse back through a blizzard two mountains over on Christmas night to deliver).
|The presence felt at property.|
*If this was a ghost then it was different from any ghost that I had encountered before.